What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 06:40
We were not on the streets..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What do you remember that 95% of us have forgotten?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Are rich people harder workers than poor people as a whole?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
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BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So, i spoilt her more .
Can you list every album you have ever listened to?
I said to her
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And i lived it daily.
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ive learnt so much.
All the time i was locked up.
Is anal sex allowed in Islam? It's not written anywhere in the Quran whether it's forbidden or not.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Comes on , in middle age.
This is soul school!.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It was going to be , some day.
So whats the point in blame.
Why do women have sex with dogs?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
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One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I will be 64.
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He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I have no regrets .
I write beautiful poetry .
She was in good health!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But it wasn’t much.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
(And it was in our own minds.)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I think the readers, may guess!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i do to all so called friends.?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My family never makes their pension either.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She wouldn,t have been !
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He knew the spot.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But, we were locked up after school.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I waited trembling.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im still living with it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Put me off passion for life!!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My life is so biszare .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I could never make a relationship work though!
We all went to grammer schools
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She loved him until the end.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I don,t even have a pension.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was very sick at this time too.
One cannot live in the past .
Why did i forgive my father ?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
What did i know ?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She found it foreign!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Who then, do I blame.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
When she asked me how she looked .
She married twice! .
Would this be the day?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I couldn’t, believe it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was 9 years of age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was scared of men, in general